Blah-de-Blah.

I haven't written in a while, mostly because I'm boring and really boring and there's nothing to write about except the boredom. And slight loneliness, even though I'm amid people. That do care somewhat for me. It's a weird feeling, being with people and being lonely. You feel guilty for it, and try to bury it. At least I do. Maybe you don't. Probably because I'm weird, but not in the nice, oh-so-ironic-heehee weird.
^Nice lot of whininess, that, isn't it. I do apologise.
I do move on the 7th of December - that is the projected flight date, subject to change, because we haven't bought tickets or anything like that yet. But I like it because it allows me to say 55 days until then. Till I go home again.
My art book got handed back last week - with a bunch of obnoxious yellow sticky notes with indecipherable handwriting in green pen on them. According to the teacher, my ideas are incomprehensible, disorganized, and scattered, and I should organise them in the book. This was after she told us to write every.single.thing. we thought of in that book. I did try to explain to her that the book was organised in the order in which I had the ideas or made the modifications.. but apparently my mind isn't allowed to work in a scattered way... for art. All I can say here, is WHAT THE?!? Do it like this, and when it's completed, be told, not like that. It's somewhat very frustrating. It seems that she and I have differing thought patterns? Meaning, we think and order things in our minds differently. Fair enough. I do want to point out, though, that she doesn't seem to realise that. And as I spend most of my free blocks in that art studio working on whatever, I do have to deal with it. And I am. but its hard.

Somebody That I Used to Know

I'm really obsessed with this song. It's "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye. Who is an amazing artist. 


Here's a link if you're interested. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY&feature=player_embedded


I showed this to my friends in Switzerland, and they couldn't listen to it.. It was too alternative for them. But I am obsessing over it., :P A couple of my friends over in Australia listen to it though, which is good to know. I'm not THAT weird. I REALLY REALLY love it :D


Now and then I think of when we were together 
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die 
Told myself that you were right for me 
But felt so lonely in your company 
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness 
Like resignation to the end 
Always the end 
So when we found that we could not make sense 
Well you said that we would still be friends 
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off 
Make out like it never happened 
And that we were nothing 
And I don't even need your love 
But you treat me like a stranger 
And that feels so rough 
You didn't have to stoop so low 
Have your friends collect your records 
And then change your number 
I guess that I don't need that though 
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over 
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done 
And I don't wanna live that way 
Reading into every word you say 
You said that you could let it go 
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know...

But you didn't have to cut me off 
Make out like it never happened 
And that we were nothing 
And I don't even need your love 
But you treat me like a stranger 
And that feels so rough 
You didn't have to stoop so low 
Have your friends collect your records 
And then change your number 
I guess that I don't need that though 
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

I used to know 
That I used to know

Somebody...

Ignorance

If there is one thing that annoys me, it's ignorance.

I don't understand people who are happy to be ignorant. I don't understand how people recognize their ignorance and accept it. I nearly admire them for their ability to accept it. But what I don't understand is why people don't try and rectify their ignorance? Is it not better to have the ability to hold an intelligent conversation with someone and not feel ignorant or unintelligent? To at least have a basic, general knowledge of a subject than none at all? Why don't people try? I guess it could be that it is easier to not know, the old cliche that ignorance is bliss.

For me, ignorance is not bliss. If you're going to live in this society, why not do it properly? Why not take the time to use the language properly, and if you don't know how, learn. Our ability to learn and change is what set us apart from the Neanderthals. Why not make use of it? 

You could say that it's all very well and good for me to sit here and say this, a 16 year old sitting on her computer being self important. You know, I'm aware that this could come off as very self important, but I'm really not trying to be. 

Storms

Why do storms fascinate me so much?
Maybe because they used to frighten me. Maybe because I am soothed (weirdly) by the sound of the wind and the rain and the thunder. Saying that, however, I think I would HATE storms if I didn't live in a cozy little *dry* apartment. Though I do have an urge to go and wander in the weather.
I think I like storms because I am in awe of their utter power, and ethereal beauty. Poetic, huh.
There is a large one snapping and cracking high above my head at this very moment, the wind and rain lashing against the windows, roads, and trees.
The wind howling low and deep, carrying the coarse rumble from their source, vibrating through the soles of my feet into my center.
I like to sit on a balcony or at a window, looking into the night, the lightning burning into my retinas in white, red, and blue. Like an old 3D movie.
I like to see the rivulets of rain, racing each other to the windowpane.
I like to feel the floor shudder after every bright flash of light, and see the night skyline illuminated for the briefest of seconds, as if day had lent its light to the storm.
I like to hear the sounds of whooping and amazement from the children of the neighbourhood, muffled inside their houses.
I like the feeling of safety and security, warm and dry, guarded by the thunder.
I like storms.

Hannah Williams

You won't have heard of Hannah Justine Williams. That's because she's not famous. It's also because she never got the chance to live.
Hannah Williams was the stillborn baby of my aunt. We got the news today.

My aunt has wanted a baby girl since I was born. That's a solid 16 years. She has a son, but her daughter won't know the world.


I'm sad I will never get to know my littlest cousin.

This post is to say that babies shouldn't die. Its not fair. Or right. It fucking sucks. What the hell, universe?

Realization

My sister and I just got our hair cut. She tried something slightly different, and found something that suited her face and her personality perfectly. As I looked from her to me, and to her again, I realized I was jealous of my little sister. At first I was disgusted with myself for being jealous, allowing something so hateful into my heart.Then I realized I wasn't jealous of her beautiful hair, I was jealous of the fact she had found something that fit her, body and soul. I realized I had been looking for something that fitted me in that way, unconsciously, for a long time now.
Now I wonder, have I found something that fits me without changing myself to fit it? I don't think that even makes sense.

Ahh.. I don't make sense. I wish I had a better hold on what makes me me, rather than just what I am. To have a better understanding of my own self.

Moving

So, if you didn't know, I live in Switzerland. I have been living here for three years, this November. It's a nice place, even though it's mind-crushingly dull. The only break in the tedium that is Swiss life is one of its street parades - one of which, my favourite, is happening this Saturday.
My friends in Australia KEEP ASKING ME WHEN I'M MOVING BACK.
again, and again, and again.
The answer is SOON. and I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW YET. Somewhere in the vague vicinity of November, December, January. Maybe earlier, and maybe later. I don't know.
When I say, "I don't know" I get the reply, "How don't you know?!?"
Because my dad's company is a procrastinating  fat slob. Yes. They haven't decided yet. But we can't stay. For a while there was talk of moving to Singapore. But my dad was like "Fuck that, thats a shit job, quit trying to trick me." So no Singapore. Then there was talk of staying here. Nope, nevermind. Now there's talk of moving my dad earlier than the rest of us, but not actually saying when. We were supposed to move back right about when we moved - approximately 27 November ish. Buut, we dont know.

So, theres a date. I don't know if its the right one, but TOUGH TITTIES.